The anniversary of my dad’s death is late May, my mom’s is early June and Chester Bennington’s is this month. Strap in for a lot of Linkin Park references over the next few weeks, like the subject line of this email that came from a song that helped me through the first three days of losing my mom. 

For those of you that know me, you know me, these three people were the most influential figures in my life even though I never met the latter. It makes the summer a time where I really have to be gentle with myself and lenient if I find myself getting more emotional than normal.
It’s also a time where I’m more cognizant than normal of my own mortality. Let me be vulnerable with you for a moment. There aren’t many things in this world that make me feel genuine fear at this point, but death is one of them. Part of this comes from not having any solid faith to speak of (despite a strong desire), part of it comes from an attachment to my consciousness and part of it comes from a fear that I won’t have enough time to do all the things I want to do. 

There was a palliative care nurse in Australia, Bronnie Ware, that interviewed a plethora of people in the last three months of their lives. She learned that, even though we are all different, the regrets we carry in our last days all have a similar tune. Nearly every person gave some variation of one of the following answers.

I wish…..

1. …..I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

2. …..I hadn’t worked so hard.

3. …..I’d had the courage to express my feelings.

4. …..I had stayed in touch with my friends.

5. …..I had let myself be happier.

When I came down from that hotel room ledge, I knew what it was like to be standing nose to nose with death. It had been a tiny step away. When I realized that I wasn’t as ready for it as I thought, I began thinking of all the regrets I would have taken with me. Regrets that I was given a second chance to avoid.

I need you to get uncomfortable with me for a moment and imagine that you were told that you had seven days to live. Your priorities would change. Working long hours at a job you don’t like for money you never have time to truly enjoy spending wouldn’t even be an option. Neither would scrolling Instagram while your kids were playing right in front of you. 

Notice the wording of the last of these statements. They wished they would have let themselves be happier. We do so many things that prevent us from reaching out happiness potential (click here to learn the top three.) Even if we struggle with anxiety or depression, even if your circumstances aren’t ideal and even if you don’t have loads of money or status, you can find happiness. It just takes a little work.